Tornado

Last Friday, a nasty tornado hit Aumsville and made its way out to Turner.  High winds and heavy hail hit all the way to Silverton.  It did a number on our fields too.  But it really hadn't hit me that we had a TORNADO in Oregon!  Until last night that is.  I was driving out to the Sherman Road Ranch for a lesson.  It was dark and raining a little, and as I came over the hill on Hwy 214 I had to slow way down because there was a twisted up torn up building looming on either side of the highway.  The beautiful brand new Machine Shop/ Barn that had once stood at least 30 feet off the road was destroyed, leaving chunks of metal and wood, mixed with tree roots strewn over the fields and the road.  It was a real eye opener.  Only blocks away from the barn, and a few miles away from my on horse.  Thank GOD no one was hurt!

Dipped in mud

So I brought my boy in from the pasture yesterday and low and behold his tail looked like someone had dipped it in that chocolate sauce they use at dairy queen!  It was solid, hard as a rock and the most delicious shade of chocolate brown.  (just don't mention the poop smell, or the mud smell). 

So today he had a tail bath, and as soon as it dries, its going back into a wrap.  Lucky him.  Lucky me. 

WHO-Deeny??

As I was driving up the driveway, looking out over the pasture, I was searching for my boy's Bright Purple blanket in the midst of the grey... but he was nowhere.  Panic struck me... maybe he was sick? Lying down?  Jumped the fence???  After all, he is training to be a show jumper...  I rounded the curve and came between the Arena and the dressage stall barn... and there he was... Standing free between the barns looking at me with that smug yet cute "look Mom, I got out of my padock, arn't you proud of me?" face.   I just exploded laughing.  I couldn't keep it in!  I was crying I was laughing so hard! 
So I got out of my truck and waded through the soggy grass towards him.  He sauntered up to me, and I put my hand under his big jaw and he followed me inside and into his stall like a puppy.  (Who ever said thoroughbreds were dumb obviously never had one, and doesn't know how loving and LOYAL they are). 
We had a good ride after that, but I did notice that there were big galloping hoof marks on the outside of all the padock fences.  So here is my theory:

Will decided he was lonely, and pushed through the hotwire that connects the little chain link gate to the wood fence.  Then he proceeded to gallop up and down the outside of the fences parading the fact that he was free, and showing off like a big bully to all the other horses.  I can just see him with his proud head up, mane flowing, swishing his tail braid, showing off his purple turn out sheet, thundering along the fence.  "HAHAHA you tiny arabians!  So there you little short quarter horses!  I'm a show jumper!" 

Oh how he makes me smile!  How he makes my day brighter, even when he is naughty.  :)

Update - better late than never

It has been a while since my last post.  So here is an update.  Will is doing excellent.  He is yielding better, and his topline is getting much better.  He is on a very balanced diet of strategy, beet pult, rice bran and alfalfa.  And of course his all you can eat hay buffet! lol.  He is getting stronger every day, and learing to take the correct leads when asked to lope.  He is trotting nicely on a lunge line, and if a second person helps with secondary ques, whe can get a nice figure eight trot out of him.  I know he is still tired though, and his topline probably is still sore.  Poor little guy.  But he is doing so good.  As far as jumping goes - which is the direction i want him to go in - he loves to go over poles.  It is one of his favorite excercises  :)  I will need to put up a video soon of his progress.  :)

Oregon rain makes us blue :(

While Im busy freezing my butt off hugging the heater, my boy is standing a foot and a half in mud and crap in our lovely padock.  He stands with his blanket on, covered in mud and rain, waiting by the gate for me to come home from work and play.  I noticed he stopped eating, so last night i took him inside and fed him where i could watch him.  If i was whithin eye-shot of him, he chowed down.  If I walked away, he would scream and stop eating.   So I waited until he ate all his grain, then worked him pretty hard, and then he had a real good warm bath.  Got all the mud off his legs, belly, tail... and he finally settled enough to eat by himself.  I think he is depressed  :(  Poor little guy.  So this morning he got fed in his stall, and he is going to stay there all day.  I need him to eat.  Ill work with him this afternoon, so hopefully he forgives me for leaving him dry and warm and safe out of the mud. 

Back to the ground

Last night we put will to work.  He lunged his little butt off, he was frothing and sweating, trying to figure out how to give to the bit, move away, find his circle, and most important, have his butt follow his body.  He improved alot, but the best part wasn't the ground driving and the lunging... it was the cool down.  I sat on him and we just walked while my friend held the lunge line.  Circles, stops, turns, and inside leg pressure to widen up... it was "our time" our special alone time that he needs so much.  He is so sensitive, so soft... we need more of that.

The fence is there so you DONT go through it... DUH

So I got a frantic call about 5:30, just as i was getting of work, and i hear "Liz, you need to get to the barn ASAP, your horse went through two paddocks and took the fence with him..."
So i get there and sure enough, there he is two paddocks down, with the fence ripped off its tee posts, hot wire all over the ground, clicking and shorting out, and he is standing there like an idiot, nickering at me to save him from the evil wire that has so rudely captured him into a little square.  So... i unplug the fence, get a halter, put him in his stall with a snack, grab the tools and get to work. 
I restrung all the wire, pushed up the bent posts, screwed some new attatchments on the wood posts, , replaced some connectors, and had everything back in place and hot before the sun went down at 6:45.  Yeah, Im that awsome.  Hopefully he doesn't try that again...

Fog

The fall is the most beautiful time...  Today the fog was heavy, and I mean thick and heavy... so thick I couldn't see my hand in front of me when I got up and went to the barn.  My horse was standing in the fog, I could barely make out his shape, and the fog makes everything so silent... all I could hear was his breathing, and then his hoofs as they crunched through the frozen ground as he came to the fence to greet me.  It really was one of those moments, where everything stops, nothing matters, where life is so clear and obvious.  For a moment, you are so sure about yourself, about what matters, and what will come  I just stood there, listening to him breath, the fog was so cold on my cheeks and hands, and I rubbed his little cold nose... 
Then I led him out of the paddock and into the pathway that leads to the arena, and he was so fantastically beautiful, his back end hidden from my eyes, all I could make out was his head, neck and his shoulders slowly dissolved into the grey white of the most beautiful cloud.

Mr. Farrier

So, the Farrier came out tonight.  Since Yesterday, I have been working with my little Braveheart on his "Standing Still" Skills.  I call it, "stand still kindergarten"  and he has been doing great.  So... the farrier came, and my boy stood still like a champion.  Three hoofs done, and on the right rear, he moved only a few times.  He is all trimmed up and looks great.  He even got groomed super good for the farrier, and he was sooo pleased with himself.  He was so shiny his blood bay coat looked purple. 

My boy had a great ride today.  He really figured out forehand turns, and was steadily moving forward (Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I used spurs yesterday... and he didn't want THAT again!)  hehe. 

And We worked on the trailer again today... here is an update:

Good weekend...

Had a lot of fun this weekend.  I started out working with my boy and his social skills.  We brought some horses out to the arena and had them tied while I rode will.  It was a battle of "WIlls" so to speak, as he tried to become more herd bound.  He reared and bucked, but never got me off.  It was a good day really, got him more used to "different" things.
Then we took the broke horses out to the farm and rode on my own property.  It was so much fun!  I ended up losing my phone, and the next morning we retraced our steps and found it laying in the field down by the river. 
Then we started taking apart the trailer.  We tore off the window, the sheet metal, tore out the rotted wood, and got it ready for grinding and sand blasting.  Should be saveable, and it should be a decent trailer.  We are going to paint it John Deere green, with yellow trim, and we found an old tractor yield sign we are going to bolt onto the back door.  :)
Then we went out to a friend of a friends house who has a wild stallion, and I got him halter broke for them so they can try to actually do something with him.  :)  Fun Fun!

New Saddle, New Style

Got a new saddle today that fits my boy like a glove... plenty of room for his high withers and narrow enough for his little shoulders.  And it fits me like a glove too  :) 
So I rode for about 15  or 20 minutes tonight, he was getting real good about keeping his head straight and the whole stopping thing was coming along...

and then....

I decided to ride bareback. 

The first time I got on, he got nervous and tried to jog away from me, so I bailed... he would have freaked if I'd have stayed on.  I fell right on my left leg and heard my knee pop about 6 times.  So I held still, felt the knee, processed the pain level, decided it wasn't too bad, got up and walked it off.  Then I mounted bareback again.  He gave me a cow kick, then one good buck, then walked on.  I let him choose where and how fast... for a bit. Then I started giving him cues and my gosh he did famously!  His stop without a saddle was amazing!  He could really feel my weight shifting, so it all came together.  Now that is something amazing... I am the only human on earth that has ridden this horse, and I am the only human on earth that has sat on him bareback... and he trusts me enough to let me do it...

Love this horse.  :)

This morning my boy stood super still and got groomed all pretty.  He let me pick all four hoofs, with not even a flicker of his ears.  He lunged nice, had a tantrum but got over it really fast.  Im letting him have a little break today, I imagine he is probably pretty sore!  Poor little guy! 

On another note, I woke up this morning from a strange, sad dream... about a certain person that used to make me smile.  So i tried to push it out of my mind and think about something happy... like the tack I found, and all the apples that I can make apple sauce out of... thats a happy thought.  :)

Found this picture and it made me laugh... I could use a good laugh, so here you go :)

Reminds me of sean working on his cars...

Wills Ride!!!! Enjoy!

The first Ride

My boy had his first ride today.  I jumped up on him and he didn't even flicker his ears.  We were ready.  A solid walk, a solid trot, and some good forhand turns... he even backed up about 6 steps.  He moves away from pressure well, and wasn't spooked or upset at all!

After, he got a bath, and stood super still and patient while I braided his tail.  (Also a first for him... his tail was a MESS).

So it was a pretty exciting and positive day.  Nothing like the virgin ride, knowing no one else has ridden him before, knowing he is all mine... It is something pretty spectacular.

Life is good

I sat on my little monster, and he is doing very well taking a "saddle beating".  He lets me stand on the stirrups, jump off them, lay over his back, wiggle, flail... He is doing so good!  The only thing he doesn't like is the standing still part.  Of course he wouldn't.  A 1200 lb thoroughbred, standing still???He thinks Im crazy for asking him to do that.  HAHA  well news flash bub... you HAVE TO!!

On a side note, things are on the up and up around the house, in my life and pretty much everything is positive.  Sean played the guitar last night, and I almost cried, thinking about how I'll miss that so much.  I need to find me someone that can play, just sit around and play like sean does.

It has been weeks since my last post, and that is because it has been crazy here! Apart from my crazy horse and his bad attitude lately, (and my attempt to assert dominance and stop the “spin and kick” as I call it) I have been busy working, celebrating my birthday, my parents anniversary, and getting ready for the fall.


Sean will be moving to Alabama for Pilot Training in about a week, and honestly I am really really sad about it. I will miss him more than I can ever describe. I’ll be home with the parents again, just us three. At least I have things to do to keep my mind of it.



Here is an update on My boy:

• He is figuring out that I am in charge of the food, and I will only let him have it when he is a good little submissive boy…

• He puts his saddle on and lets me cinch him with very little to no fight

• He is getting desensitized on both sides, stands still, and has a solid whoa.

• He has figured out that I mean business when I ask for space

• He had his first ground driving lesson last night, and figured out how to back up, and turn his butt both directions. (reigns were too short to actually do more than that, so I need a pair of longer ones.)

• He pays attention better, not as distracted

The goal is to be riding bareback by Christmas… I like to take it slow and enjoy the journey. Training is one of my favorite things in the whole world, so we will enjoy it while it lasts, and not rush through it. I’m sure I could have him done so much sooner, but hey, that’s what life is all about – enjoying the journey, even when it throws you curve balls.

Still working on the party video… got a lot more footage than I originally thought 

My boy did great today.  He only tried to kick me once!  Little (I mean huge) butt head!!  He was tied and i was putting his saddle on.  He was doing great, just grouchy that i had woken him up so early.  When I went to cinch him, he walked into me, spun and bucked...
luckily I saw him coming and jumped out of the way... grabbed a rope and nailed him!  So... we moved to the arena where I could spin his butt around while cinching, and I won the battle.  After that, he did famously. Lunged to both sides, walk and trot.  Too tired to canter, so I didn't ask. 

What a good boy he is becoming.

Back to work. :(

I hate my job. But it helps pay for life.  The pay is crap.  I don't make enough to even live on.  Gas is expensive, and I use three tanks a week.  Time is money, right?  Not really.  I work my butt off at my crappity crap job, and the state takes more than its share, and I am left with one check a month (who ever thought is would be a good idea to pay monthly?)  And I am not paying off what I need to on my loans.  Soooo.... what is the plan?? 

Get a new stupid job!  Man  I hate work.  Man I hate immigration law.  I would really love to flip my job the bird and walk away... but I have to be a responsible adult and bite the bit and deal. 

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr 

Groundwork

I know I promised a video of the party... but It isn't finished yet... here is one of My boy's progress :)

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZYYYYYYY night

video coming soon...

Do NOT kick!!!

Retard horse decided it would be a good idea to try and be the dominant male in his pasture, during feeding time... and the only beings in the pasture were me and him.  A kick in the right hamstring, and another attempt... I WAS PISSED!!!! 

So, later on, I took his cheeky little thoroughbred but into the arena and tore him a new one.  My space bubble grew from two feet to about 7.  One small finger wag and he would back up, or lift his head up and away...  SO THERE!!  He tried to do his stupid "dance around" think while I was saddling him... so I whacked him a new one on the butt.  Finally, he was standing still, head down, saddle on, cinched up tight, behaving. 

On a side note, I pressure washed the POS trailer.  Apparently it was originally a pea green, straight out of the 70's, then an awful cream, then white, then grey.  So I have to get out the dang grinder and grind down to the sheet metal.  Ill have to knock out the rivets and cut out all the cancer, but it should turn out fine.  (Donations accepted for material! hahaha  just kidding)

This afternoon is our family party... I'll be putting together a video for the family... so I'll post it on here too, hopefully tomorrow. 

Projects Projects

Just to stay busy, and because my boy won't load up, I bought a junker tailer.  $200 got me an old 1973 bumper pull.  It needs love.  So the plan is to strip the thing down, snad blast it, re floor it, rewire it, and put new sheet metal on it... it needs a new manger/tack storage, and it needs the center divider reinstalled...

as if I don't have anything else to do, right??

And my boy is coming along... slowly.  He stood on a tarp this morning.  At first he wasnt so sure about it.  He spooked at some horse blankets that were hanging out to dry... but he is pretty curious, so he was fine.

Here is the project trailer... don't make fun.  the goal is to get it usable for training purposes...

GET IN THE TRAILER!!

The plan was to load and go to a clinic, where my boy could have his first ride.... the plan anyway.

Reality was a different story.
We had a rodeo instead.
I got it right in the hip bone, and we broke a metal buckled halter.  What didnt work??

The lip chain
The ropes behind the butt to pull in
grain
hay
pulleys
patience
time
rope halter
the buckle halter
etc

the plan?
go buy a stupid junk trailer, park it in the paddock and feed him in it... for a month. 

is there something about dawn?

My boy just hates that time of day when everything is waking up... rooster crowing, dogs barking, birds chirpin, HUGE burn pile looming in the shadows... fly mask making it hard to see, girl walking into padock with halter... He was a nervous wreck, all shivery and prancing and bolting like an idiot.  Stupid thoroughbred.  So I finally, after about 15 minutes, got him into the arena, where he immediatly calmed down and moved off pressure like a champ.  I was touching him about as lightly as i would touch an overripe peach... you know, so it doesn't bruise and leak all over??  And he was great.

He flexed his head today too with no complaint, and then when i let up on the pressure, he just left it there. 

So all in all I can't really complain... he just needs to find his happy place, instead of his flighty place. lol

An early morning, a late night...

Hy horse is beginning to bookend my day... which is good. It keeps me happy.  This morning, he was a good boy and moved off of pressure like a champ, and when I went back to work with him again after having worked the mares in rickreall, he let me put his saddle on and didn't move a muscle.  He has come such a long way! 

But...

He is still so wild and free...  If I don't take extra care to keep him grounded, level headed, and feeling safe, he has a tendency to spook.  Walking him back to his pasture in the moonlight a bat flew by and floored him.  Haunch turns haunch turns haunch turns... and he finally settled down.  If I wasn't so dang stubborn this horse would probably scare the crap out of me! 

Bring it on.

This weekend Ill be trailering him out to a clinic to work on ground driving.  He is too big for me to tackle that alone with no supervision, so the ranch in rickreall is the perfect place... maybe someone there will know CPR??  haha.

Early mornings

In the arena this morning at 5:30 am.  My horse was looking good in his saddle and blue halter.  He lunged great going to the left, but going to the right?  He flipped his lid.  Snorting, Bucking, pawing at his halter...  Its a normal thing to have a bad side, Im just glad he didn't role and try to lose the saddle! haha.

So I calmed him down and did some simple ground work with him: pulling on his stirrups, disengaging his butt, working off pressure...  He did much better.

After work, I went out to Rickreal and worked the paint mares.  Magu did excellent!  Jewel is coming along great on the ground as well.  She even trotted to me when I entered her padock with a halter!!  What a difference!!!

Back in McCleay at 9 pm to feed my gorgeous thoroughbred.  I stood in the moonlight and gave him his hay and grain as his little "girlfriend" looked on jelously.  (Dixie is a pretty little mare that pastures next to my gelding). 

Thank God for horses, their unending willingness to learn, please, and connect. 

Saddle Day!!

My horse put his saddle on today, all buy himself! haha.  He only tried to kick at the cinch a few times, and then he was fine.  I lunged him with it on, and he walked and trotted with it on.  He did great!  I little champ!  He is doing so well!  Other things we accomplished today include:

1.  Picking up his front feet for "inspection"  :)
2.  Letting me brush his whole body, including hind quarters
3.  I braided his tail
4.  More space between him and I (especially while lunging)
5.  Side passing on the ground


And so much more  :)

Here is a little video of him walkin' with his saddle  :)

Training Day 4 and RODEO

Another good day of training.  And after we went out to the Clackamas County Rodeo.  Sat right by the barrel chute and watched hell fly! 
After, we got shmammered and nursed the sickness, but it didn't help. 

Here is a picture of my baby... Thought you might like to see. 

Training Day 3

My horse stepped up onto a wooden bridge, ate his first apple, comes when he is called and gave me a big whopping kick right in the shin.  Thats right.  He kicked me.  Damn it hurt.  Now the outside of my body matches the inside of my heart.  Stupid hurt. 

So what did I do?  I didn't fall over, make a sound or anything.  Cowgirls don't cry.  We just kept working.  And working.  And working.  This gelding is gonna be the best dang horse alive when I'm done with him!!!  So there you stupid hoof in the shin! 

But anything accomplished is still one thing accomplished, right?

1.  He picked up his feet and stood on the wood bridge
2.  He mirrors my feet and does cross overs with me, both directions
3.  He mirrors my feet trotting and walking
4.  The back up signal is getting better - nowhere near perfect though
5.  He comes when called

When I finally took my boots off at the end of the day, I had a bruise the shape of a hoof on my shin, two bloody toes, and so much dirt on my face I looked tanner than a hawaiian in July. 

Training Day 2

We started the day walking around outside, trotting a bit, practicing WHOA... My horse struck at me, so we practiced the "back" signal, but he is pretty much turned off of that thanks to Bi-otch's little stunt yesterday.  So...  We went inside the arena, worked with a big ball, a barrel, a step stool, and lots of other things.  My boy did great. He only stepped on my boot twice!  (OUCH!) 

What did we acomplish today??

1.  built a lot of trust today
2.  He took his de-worming meds like a champion
3.  Continued spacial awareness
4.  intro to stepping up onto things (a wooden bridge)
5.  Playing with his tail
but here is the big one:
6. I stood on a step stool and layed over his back.  He just stood there like a lamb!

Its hard to believe how far he has come in 2 days!  From ground zero to a solid start.  Its great.

As for me?  I'm doing all right.  I keep myself busy.  I'm looking forward to the rodeo this weekend.  I'm looking forward to the look on certain peoples faces when my horse can cut in no time at all.  I'm still hurting.  Bad.  You know its bad when music even hurts to listen to.  That never happens to me.  I get that sinking feeling deep deep inside.  But my horse helps.  He depends on me, and I depend on him.  We really are great together. 

Training Day 1

Today was a very eventfull day.  Besides arguing the crap out of the Progressive insurance claims representative (who won't pay me to cover damages on my truck) I had a decent day working with my new horse.  Considering we started at 7 am and he was completely green (Im talking no experience with a lead rope, brush, water on his feet, NOTHING) we ended the day having accomplished the following:

1.  respectfully walking on a lead roap (no crowding)
2.  Haunch turns from ground level
3.  Moving away from pressure
4.  Familiarity with brushes, combs and water
5.  Comfortable in cross ties
6.  a solid WHOA!! 
7.  Follow the leader walking and trotting
8.  A full circle around me, while I'm standing still
9.  backing up off of hand signals
10.  Squaring up front feet
11.  moving away from pressure on hind legs
12.  playing with a large exercise ball (He had the thing bouncing off his head, shoulders and side with no trouble) 

And lots more.....

But then a lady came in and tried to tell me what to do with MY horse and she grabbed him, shanked him and backed him up with force, no hand signals, and my gelding flipped his lid and regressed a TON.  So... I hope tomorrow will be a decent recovery day of the above mentioned skills??

Stay tuned for his training updates to come!  He is a beautiful, talented beauty!

As for my heart, its lonely and really down in the dumps.  The horse helps, but not enough.  :( 

Funny how just one voice can make the whole day amazingly good... just one call. 

Yesterday was peachy... in the afternoon.  LuMagoo did good during our "neck reining" practice.  She was crossing over, side passing and even doing some decent haunch turns.  :)  YAY!!  Hopefully she will be ready for a show soon?  Her trot is like a frickin dream, so I am thinking the walk/trot competition? Now if I could just get her to relax her head and give to the bit...  then we will be ready  :)

What else?  I had a really awsome morning.  Can't say why, but I did.  It was like a breath of fresh air, I laughed, I was happy, I was relaxed...  And then after, I cried like a baby.  So - back out to the ranch this afternoon to patch me up again.  Are you ready LuMagoo?  Because my little heart needs a horse to love on, and you need your butt kicked.  :) 

So, its wed. but its my friday because vacation starts tomorrow (woohoo!).  I hope and pray its a good vacation... over a week... i hope i find something to do!!!

Last night I had a dream.  I was walking into a church that had an underground section.  The walls were white marble and the floor was cream with gold flecks.  I turned left down a corridor and walkd into a separate room.  My eyes went from the floor to the other end of the room where a small couch had been placed against the wall.  I walked towards it, and after a few steps, I realized it was Granpa Walt lounging in the counch, just the way I remembered him.  He had on a white undershirt, jeans and his tan socks.  He was holding a tiny baby, wrapped in a white blanket.  The child was so small, a premie, tucked right into the crook of his right arm snuggled between his barrel chest and his elbow.  Granpa Walt smiled at me and I ran to him and gave him a hug.  Then he simply said, "you guys will all be all right, don't worry."  And that was it.  I woke up.  I knew right away what he was talking about, and who the child was.  All I can do is pray for that child and hope that everything goes well. 

shesh.  It has been an extremely stressful week.  A smashed up car.  A friend dying.  A difficult separation.  Little sleep.  Too much work.  The list goes on and on.  And now a weird dream that makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck.  And its only Tuesday. 

Well, I thought I should list some good things, for my own sake  :) 
1.  Shania Twain has that really awsome song that always makes me feel awsome: "Black eyes Blue Tears".  Yeah, I listened to that song about 100000000 times, and it came on today while I was driving to work.  It was awsome.
2.   Im going down to look at a horse probably Saturday, so that should be fun.
3.   We had corn on the cob last night.  Awsome.
4.   My vacation starts on Thursday.  (That could be good or bad, dependig...)
5.   I have an awsome tan going on.  :)

So there are 5 things to remind myself that life is good.  And it really is.  Besides, it was really cool to hug my Granpa.  :)

When I was little, Nana and I used to make jam and pie and anything else we could think of.  So today, I was feeling down and kind of lost, so I went for a long walk all over this farm and looked for blackberries. I picked enough for a big pie and then got to work in the kitchen. This house used to be Nana's house, and while I  was working, I could almost see her, all four feet eleven inches of her, on the other side of the kitchen cleaning the berries, or shaping the lattice dough.  I remembered how she would leave a trail of berry juice on the counter, and how we would giggle about the dumbest things, or eat more than we cooked.  It was a great memory, but it left me missing her more than anything. 

Sometimes you just can't get over it, you know?  Everything reminds you of a good thing, but then the good thing reminds you that it isn't a part of your life any more... just a memory.  Like Nana.  And that hurst.

I had a great time today working out in Rikreall.  It will be an adventure thats for sure.  Will be learning alot, and hopefully will be contributing alot as well.  On my way out there though, I had another hiccup.  I got rearended.  My beautiful 4runner took one for the team, and now needs a good bandaid.  :(  Sorry little toyota...  hang in there and please don't get totaled!!!  (cross my fingers)

As for how I'm doing today - I could be better.  It hurts to say the least, to be so close, and yet so very far away.  It hurts to know that there is nothing I can do.  I am the kind of person that fights for change, makes a difference, solves problems... and now this.  There is nothing i can do but wait.  And I don't wait well.  I wait really badly actually. 

1.By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
2.I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
3.The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?

-song of songs 3:1-3

You know that feeling you get when you wake up and for that split second, everything is as it was in your dreams?  For a moment, you are content, at peace, and then the world rushes in... You remember.  You realize that you woke up, and reality hits you like a brick.  No matter how hard you try to go back to sleep, you just can't get away.  Thats what happened to me this morning. 

Good things come when we least expect them... and so do bad things

Found out today that a friend of mine hung himself in a tree in his back yard.  They found his body hanging there, and cut him down.  No one knows why he did it.  No one know what pushed him to it.  It hit me like a knife.  It stabbed me, kicked me while I'm down. 

Its day one, and I'm drowning.  My heart is aching.  My lungs are under water.  My face says "Hello, how can I help you? Please come it!"  But my eyes say, "when will this be over?  When will I know?"  And my heart says, "Hang on... for the love of God, HANG ON." 

What else could go wrong?   Yeah, it sucks, but I got up this morning and took a shower and felt good.  I ran last night and kicked my own butt - tried to make the heart pain go away by making the knee pain come back.  It worked until I stopped running.  Then they both hurt like hell. 

So then I tried to sleep, but I could not.  So I pulled out my Bible, and read, and read, and read and read.  It helped, a little.  I finally fell asleep with my head plastered to Psalm 131, and I woke up in the same spot two hours later.

So where does this leave me?  At the end of day one.  But I was taught to always end on a positive note, so here it goes:  Tomorrow I'll be heading to the ranch in monmouth to work with some green horses, which should at least distract me for a little while... right?  RIGHT?? 

One down.  13 (or so) so go. 

Sometimes your heart is pulled in a few directions at once.  I never could understand how it happens, or why, but maybe to make us more flexible?  Because I can't imagine my heart ever snapping back...  So instead, I let it stretch and find peace in the little things.  In the smell of the hay in the feed loft, in the cool leather of old saddles...  And I wonder if sometimes the pain is worth it.  Well let me tell you, IT IS.  Whenever a good thing comes around, we should take it, right?  Whenever something comes around that needs a little good, we should give it, right?  So we are stretched in two directions, giving, taking and walking a thin line between heartbreak and a peace of mind that we could never find elsewhere.  Maybe it doesn't make sense to anyone.  Maybe I'm caught in the middle of one of those deep waves, like when the ocean crashed around you and you get scared for a split second and wonder if you are going to be able to come up for air... Charles Durham summed it up pretty good: "Life is like the ocean, very vast and beautiful.  But when you are caught up in it, and you discover how unimaginably powerful it is... it is then that you must swim, or perish."

Oh come on heart.  Please swim.  For the love of God, swim... please.

Late evening walks...

Yesterday evening, me and my brother, and mom and dad all went for a walk.  The sun was going down, and it was casting this gorgeous yellow glow on the wheat fields.  The bean fields were green and lush, the sun gleaming through the irrigation's mist.  Queen Anne's lace was dotting the access path, and the river was a quiet beauty...  It just so happens I had my camera.  And then I got the idea... maybe I should always have my camera with me, to capture some of these things.

The Horse Prayer



Feed me, give me water, and care for me, and when the day's
work is done, give me shelter, a clean bed and a wide stall.
Talk to me. Your voice often substitutes for the reins for me.
Be good to me and I will serve you cheerfully and love you.
Don't jerk the reins and don't raise the whip.
Don't beat or kick me when I don't understand you,
but rather give me time to understand you.
Don't consider it disobedience if I don't follow your commands.
Perhaps there is a problem with my saddle and bridle or hooves.
Check my teeth if I don't eat, maybe I have a toothache.
You know how that hurts.
Don't halter me too short and don't dock my
tail... it's my only weapon against flies and mosquitoes.
And at the end, dear master, when I am no longer any use to you,
don't let me go hungry or freeze and don't sell me.
Don't give me a master who slowly tortures me to death and lets me starve,
but rather be merciful and take care of me,
by letting me run and enjoy a warm pasture.
Let me request this of you and please don't regard it as disrespectful
if I ask it in the name of Him who was born in a stable like me.
Amen

(author unknown).

Clinic Today!

Today was a great Sunday.  I went to the Sherman Road Ranch for a horse clinic.  I only audited today, but it was still a great day.  I learned lots of new things, and got lots of tips.  It was relaxing to just be in the barn, to smell the horses, to feel close to them.  It has been a tough few days.  But nothing is better than horses.  They help you heal.  They help you let go.  They help you realize that you are loved, that you are cared about.  They are unconditional.  And all of those things are things I could really really use right about now.

Also, I'll be looking at a horse on Thursday, maybe she could be my match?  Cross your fingers!  Here is a quick video from the clinic today.  Ground work  in the round pen  :)